The Silent Struggle: Why Holidays Amplify Loneliness
The festive season is often portrayed as a time of connection, but for many, it can be the hardest time of year due to feelings of loneliness and/or social isolation. This raises an important distinction:
Social Isolation means having objectively few social relationships or infrequent social contact, whereas
Loneliness is a subjective, distressing feeling of a lack of connection, along with a desire for more satisfying social relationships
Yet, while loneliness and isolation were concerns before 2020 and worsened during the pandemic, research continues to show that these feelings persist, often by gender and across the lifespan. For example,
Among those aged 25–54, males experienced greater social isolation, while females reported greater loneliness in 2023.
Among those aged 55–64, males experienced higher levels of both social isolation and loneliness in 2023.
The stark contrast between this cultural expectation of joy and an individual's reality often triggers feelings of isolation, disappointment, and guilt. In fact, a survey found that about one in three people in Australia have experienced loneliness at Christmas.
Why the Holidays can Feel Hard
The emotional difficulty of the festive season, often called the "Holiday Blues," is driven by a few key factors:
The Comparison Trap: Seeing idealised gatherings on social media makes your own reality feel inadequate.
Cultural Pressure: The constant pressure to be happy intensifies feelings of isolation when your reality doesn't match the expectation.
Anniversaries of Loss: The holidays often serve as reminders of people lost, intensifying feelings of grief and loneliness.
Invasive Questions: Well-meaning people ask questions about who you're spending time with, which can feel lousy when the answer isn't "perfect."
Disruption of Routine: Extended leave and changes to work and social schedules can severely disrupt established routines and remove the structure that supports mental well-being.
Five Practical Strategies for Managing Isolation
Small, actionable steps can help in managing feelings of loneliness and limited social connection.
Adjust Expectations & Prioritise Self-Care
Your well-being requires a deliberate effort to keep expectations in check and avoid the comparison trap.
Set boundaries about what you choose to attend, and assert yourself about what works best for your mental health.
Embrace Solitude: If you enjoy being alone, schedule time for hobbies and relaxation without guilt.
Treat Yourself: Prepare your favourite food, binge a series, or take a swim at the beach.
Challenge the holiday narrative you hear from popular culture; your expectations define your experience.
Focus on Action & Self-Reflection
Embrace solitude by taking action that leads to positive personal growth.
Start the project that you have been putting off for ages, or take an online class to learn something new.
Create new traditions that feel right for you, ensuring your holiday experience is genuinely meaningful.
Focus on Contribution & Connection
Shift your focus from internal feelings to external action. Giving back is a proven way to foster a sense of belonging.
Volunteer: Give time at a local charity or community group, which fosters a strong sense of purpose and connection.
Schedule Connection: Organise an 'Orphans' Christmas' with others spending the day alone, or connect with "weak ties" (acquaintances) in your community.
Use digital connections strategically: Make a meaningful connection over Zoom/FaceTime if you can't meet in person.
Prioritise Physical & Cognitive Health.
The extended summer break can easily disrupt your routine, negatively impacting your mood. Maintaining your physical baseline is essential for mental resilience.
Maintain Your Sleep Routine: Stick to consistent bedtimes and wake times, even on holiday. Sleep deprivation heightens stress and emotional sensitivity.
Get Outside Daily: Ensure you get physical activity and sunlight exposure, essential for maintaining energy and mood.
Moderate Alcohol Intake: Relying on alcohol to cope with loneliness can quickly deepen feelings of depression and isolation. Make a conscious plan to moderate your consumption during social events.
Regulate Your Mood with Mindfulness
When loneliness feels overwhelming, it can be helpful to anchor yourself in the present moment rather than dwelling on the past or future. This helps prevent emotional spiralling.
Practice the 5-4-3-2-1 Technique: Use your senses to name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.
Observe, Don't Judge: Acknowledge the feeling of loneliness ("I am feeling lonely right now") without judging it as good or bad. Accepting the emotion can reduce its intensity.
Seek support when you need it
If isolation or anxiety feels overwhelming or persistent, remember that reaching out to a professional is important.
If you need support navigating loneliness or anxiety this holiday season, Men's Life Psychology is here to help you find a way through.
Resources: If you are in crisis, please call Lifeline (13 11 14) or contact Emergency Services immediately.